Category Archives: sentence structure

What to revise to improve writing

Posted on January 6, 2025 | Leave a comment

Students often think revising means editing, that is, making small changes. Adding an apostrophe or improving spelling is not revising.  Revising means making significant improvements to writing.  Revising is the process by which okay writing becomes great.

So what exactly is revising?  Here are some examples, though there are many more.

Change weak (nonspecific) verbs to specific verbs.  If possible rewrite the verb to be (is, are, was, were) and come, go, give, take, get, start, put, look, and see, but not say or said.

  • I got tired raking leaves, so I came inside and took a nap.  This becomes, After I tired from raking, I snuggled on my bed and napped.

After weak verbs, find infinitives or nouns that can be turned into strong verbs.

  • When the car started to spin, Mom took her foot off the gas pedal. This becomes, When the car spun, Mom released the gas pedal.

Use active, not passive verbs.

  • The apple was eaten by Mary. This becomes, Mary ate the apple.

Change long nouns (e.g., encouragement, contamination, habitation) to verbs.

  • Use moderation in your dietary habits. This becomes Moderate your diet.

Combine frequent small sentences (fewer than 10 words) to add sophistication to writing.

  • That’s my brother. His name is Akhil.  He is seven.  He can write a two-wheeler.  This becomes My seven-year-old brother, Akhil, can ride a two-wheeler.

Delete a sentence with just one bit of new information and put that information in another sentence to eliminate wordiness.

  • The baby fell out of the carriage. The carriage rolled down the hill.  This becomes, The baby fell out of the carriage which rolled down the hill.

Combine sentences to eliminate wordiness.

  • My uncle was wounded playing football. He played for the University of Georgia twenty years ago. He played before I was born.  This becomes, My uncle broke his leg playing football for the University of Georgia twenty years ago, before I was born.

Identify the sentence structures used (simple, compound, complex and compound-complex).  Rewrite the sentences to create more complicated simple sentences and easy-to-understand complex sentences, and to eliminate most compound sentences.

  • I watched the Rose Bowl Parade on TV, and I enjoyed it. I could not believe the floats!  They were covered with flowers, seeds, leaves, and other living things.  I hope, when I am older, to see the parade in person.  This becomes, I enjoyed watching the Rose Bowl Parade on TV.  Flowers, seeds, leaves and other living things covered the floats.  Someday, I hope to see that unbelievable parade in person.

Limit the number of dependent clauses in sentences to two.

  • The resort where we vacationed used to be a private club that attracted millionaires in the 19th century who arrived by train before wealthy people had air conditioning. This becomes, We vacationed at a resort that used to be a private club for millionaires.  In the 19th century, wealthy people arrived there by train.  They wanted to escape the heat in an era before air conditioning.

Change first words of sentences to add variety. 

  • See previous changes.

Count the number of words in each sentence.  Average them.  Aim for an average of 14 to 18 words with some longer and some shorter.  If the average is 10 or below, increase the number of words per sentence.  If the average is 20 or above, decrease the number of words per sentence.  Don’t count the number of words per sentence until you have made other changes or you will need to recount.

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Posted in "to be", active verbs, how to write better, number of words per sentence, passive verbs, revising first drafts, revising sentence length, sentence structure, verb choice, voice, writing tips

Encourage complex thinking in little kids’ writing

Posted on September 29, 2024 | Leave a comment

When children start to write sentences, teachers and workbooks encourage simple sentences (sentences with one complete subject and one complete predicate).  Such a sentence might be “I am seven years old” or “My dog had pups yesterday.”

As students progress, teachers encourage compound sentences (two simple sentences connected with a FANBOYS—for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so—conjunction).  Such sentences might be “I am seven years old but I can ride a bike” or “My dog had pups yesterday and I can name one.”

As students progress to a greater age, and in theory, to more complex thinking, teachers encourage complex sentences (two simple sentences connected in such a way that one sentence is clearly more important).  Such sentences could be “I am seven years old although I look older” or “My dog had pups yesterday while I slept.”

Teaching sentences this way presupposes that little children think in simple sentences, then gradually grow into thinking in compound sentences, and then as they mature more, think in complex sentences.

The problem is, this pairing of sentence types to maturity is a false correlation.  Have you ever listened to four- and five-year-olds speak?  “I want five candies because Johnny has five candies” (complex sentence).  “For Halloween, I want to be a princess with a long pink dress and a sparkly crown in my hair and maybe ballerina slippers” (simple sentence).  “She pushed me into the snow with a real hard push, the kind of push of a football player mad at the guy carrying the football.” (simple sentence)

These sentences in the previous paragraph contain complex thoughts (cause and effect, layered details, and a metaphor).  Yet only the first sentence is a complex sentence, and of the three, it is the least complex in thought.  The other two show far more complexity of thought, yet they are simple sentences.

The complexity of these sentences can be shown by boldfacing the simple subject and predicate, and by stacking the dependent ideas  above (if they are said first) and below (if they are said after the subject and predicate).  Notice how the two simple sentences show more layers (more complexity of thought) than the complex sentence.

I want five candies

because Johnny has five candies.

 

For Halloween

I want to be a princess

with a long pink dress

and a sparkly crown

in my hair

and maybe ballerina slippers

 

She pushed me

into the snow

with a real hard push

the kind of push

of a football player

mad

at the guy

carrying the football

 

My point:  Little children speak with complex ideas.  Encourage them to write with complex ideas too.

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Posted in complex sentence, compound sentence, expressing thoughts, FANBOYS, how to teach writing, metaphors, sentence structure, simple sentence, teaching writing

What makes sentences great?

Posted on December 28, 2023 | Leave a comment

Do you collect things? My grandson collects Lego creations.  My husband collects carpentry tools.  My brother collects genealogical trivia.  I collect books on writing. 

Frank Bruni, a New York Times columnist, collects sentences.  He has just published what he considers the best ones of 2023, most submitted by readers.  Almost all are about politicians.  And almost all use one or more figures of speech, bringing complexity to the sentence meanings.  Yet many are a hoot.  To read 40 of them, go to https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/28/opinion/2023-journalism-writing-sentences.html

But what makes them “the best” sentences of 2023?  Let’s analyze a few.

Maureen Dowd, columnist for The New York Times, writes about an interview with former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi after she stepped down from that office:  “I was expecting King Lear, howling at the storm, but I found Gene Kelly, singing in the rain.”

Dowd uses antithesis, a figure of speech which contrasts opposites.  King Lear, a tragic Shakespearean character, is contrasted with Gene Kelly, a blithe, happy-go-lucky dancer.  To intensify the contrast, Dowd describes King Lear as “howling at the storm” which his life has become and describes Kelly as “singing in the rain.”  Dowd expected to find Pelosi, stepping down from her role as the leader of the House of Representatives, to be angry.  Instead, she finds her “singing in the rain.”

Washington Post columnist Alexandra Petri writes about the ethical shortcomings of Supreme Court justices:  “It is a truth universally acknowledged that an American billionaire, in possession of sufficient fortune, must be in want of a Supreme Court justice.”

Petri uses allusion, a figure of speech which calls to mind (in this case) the famous opening line of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice:  “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”  Petri keeps the grammar and changes just six words.  Anyone familiar with Austen’s famous line recognizes the sentence.  The humor comes from Petri’s keeping the tongue-in-cheek tone of the original.

Matt Bai, a columnist for the Washington Post, argues that vice presidential candidates do affect elections: “I’d argue that Sarah Palin mattered in 2008, although she was less of a running mate than a running gag.”

One way to create humor is to lead readers down a path, so that readers think they know what to expect.  Then at the last second, or the last word in this case, twist the meaning.  The word “running” is repeated, leading readers to expect that the meaning of “running” will also be repeated.  But it isn’t.  “Running mate” is totally different from “running gag.”  The humor comes from verbal irony.

Pulitzer Prize winner and Washington Post writer Robin Givhan writes about President Jimmy Carter’s decision to use Hospice care for his final days: “Hospice care is not a matter of giving up. It’s a decision to shift our efforts from shoring up a body on the verge of the end to providing solace to a soul that’s on the cusp of forever.”

Givhan uses anthesis when she contrasts a body dying to a soul heaven-bound.  Jimmy Carter, a Christian, believes that life continues after death, so “on the cusp of forever” matches his expectations.  Givhan’s use of the word “soul” intensifies this expectation.

Anthony Lane, film critic for The New Yorker, comments on all the pink coloring in the film Barbie:  “Watching the first half-hour of this movie is like being waterboarded with Pepto-Bismol.”

Pepto-Bismol is a bubble-gum-pink colored liquid used for digestive issues, including diarrhea.  Waterboarding is a form of torture.  Torture is not funny, but the visual image of a person struggling to stay afloat in a pink liquid used for diarrhea shows what Lane thinks of all that pink in Barbie.

Figures of speech aren’t just for poems, as these noted newspaper columnists prove.  One way to learn how to use more figures of speech is to copy these “best” sentences, substituting your own words and ideas.  For example,

It is a truth universally acknowledged that woman in possession of unwanted Christmas gifts must be in want of Goodwill.”

Happy New Year.

 

 

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Posted in allusi, allusion, antithesis, English Writing Instruction, Figures of speech, humor in writing, irony--verbal, sentence structure

Imitate classic sentences, part 2

Posted on August 11, 2022 | Leave a comment

Several weeks ago I wrote a blog about improving sentence construction by copying sentence structures of good writers.  (See my blog “Imitate classic sentences to improve your writing. ) The type sentences I discussed then were cumulative sentences, sometimes called additive sentences, which informally add more information as the sentence goes on, as this sentence does.

Today I would like to discuss copying the structure of more formal sentences created by careful planning.  They “breathe” conviction and confidence, according to Stanley Fish, author of How to Write a Sentence.

One example is the opening sentence of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice:  “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”  Another such sentence is the first sentence of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina:  “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  Still another is the opening clauses of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities:  “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”  These sentences encourage the reader to pause and consider their meanings for truth, for irony, and for insight.

How can you create your own such sentences?  According to Fish, you should analyze sentences you recognize as great, remove the content and fill in the structure with your own content.  (It’s like baking a potato, scooping out the center, and then filling the skin with your homemade chili.)  To do this, Fish advises you to

  • write short sentences.
  • use parallel structures.
  • use one- or two-syllable words
  • use the present tense.

Here are some examples I wrote:

“When taking a trip with kids, go to playgrounds first before you run out of sunny days and sunny spirits.”  Let’s analyze this sentence using Fish’s advice.

  • Write short sentences.  20 words
  • Use parallel structures.  “sunny days and sunny spirits”
  • Use one- or two-syllable words.  14 one-syllable words, 6 two-syllable words, 0 three-syllable words
  • Use present tense.  Done

Here is another.  “Keep your children close and your spouse closer.”

  • Write short sentences.  8 words
  • Use parallel structure.  “Keep your children close and [keep] your spouse closer.”
  • Use one- or two-syllable words. 6 one-syllable words, 2 two-syllable words, 0 three-syllable words
  • Use present tense.  Done

And another:  “When soldiers drill from dawn to dusk on borders dense with tanks and such,  beware of Trojan horses.”

  • Write short sentences:  18 words
  • Use parallel structure.  “from dawn to dusk,” “with tanks and such”
  • Use one- or two-syllable words.  13 one-syllable words, 5 two-syllable words, 0 three-syllable words
  • Use present tense.  Done

When could you use such sentences?

  • the opening sentences of a novel, short story, or speech
  • the closing of a letter or an article or a chapter
  • a “gotcha ya!” retort from a character or yourself
  • the moral of a story

According to Fish, the more you write these sentences, the easier you write them.  And the easier they become, the more you use them.  (Did you notice?  I just wrote two of them.)

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Posted in additive sentences, analysis, cumulative sentences, English Writing Instruction, formal sentences, number of words per sentence, practice writing skills, Pride and Prejudice, sentence structure, writing tips

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Six ways to improve writing anything

Posted on October 13, 2021 | Leave a comment

Here are six writing practices to make your writing better:

  • Make your sentences clear during a first read, so the reader doesn’t say, “Huh?”  A reader shouldn’t need to backtrack to figure out what you’re trying to say.
  • Use varied sentence structure.  Subject—verb—direct object.  Prepositional phrase—adjective—subject—verb—adverb.  Gerund—prepositional phrase—verb—adjective.  Subject—verb—direct object—appositive.  So many combinations exist.  Why bore readers with the same old same old?
  • Keep subjects and verbs near each other.  A thought which is interrupted by prepositional phrases, clauses and other grammatical constructions leads to unclear reading.  (The previous sentence’s subject is “thought.” Its verb comes twelve words later.  This is an example of what not to do.)
  • Eliminate most adverbs, especially those ending with -ly.  Instead, choose strong verbs, so an adverb is not needed.
  • Eliminate repeated words unless you are using them for emphasis.  Some repeated words I see my students use are “start,” “then,” “so,” “like,” and “really.”  Identify your repeated words, and see if you need them.
  • Use good grammar, but don’t strive for perfect grammar.  Writing today is more conversational than in the past.  And more informal.  (Did you notice that that last “sentence” is not a sentence at all but a fragment?)  You can begin sentences with “and” and “but.”  You can use “you” instead of “he” or “she” or “one.”

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Posted in active verbs, adverbs, clarity, English Writing Instruction, fragments, grammar, lack of appeal to readers, lockstep sentence patterns, needless words, sentence structure