Bloated words mean longer, boring writing

Utilize.  Three syllables.  Use.  One syllable.  Why not use “use”?

Price point.  Two words.  Price.  One word.  Why not use “price”?

Vaporous.  Three syllables.  Vapid.  Two syllables. Why not use “vapid”?

Inflating your writing with multi-syllabic or multi-phrasal words when simpler words work just as well makes your writing pompous, long and hard to understand.

So why do it?

  • To sound important. In college I worked as a telephone operator, but my brother suggested I introduce myself as “an international communications coordinator.”  Nobody knew what I was talking about, and when I explained I was a phone operator, they rolled their eyes.
  • To sound educated. Many SAT words are multi-syllablic:  capricious, ephemeral, and facilitated, for example.  But isn’t it easier to understand synonyms such as flighty, short-lived and made easy?  And why do we write?  To sound educated or to be understood?
  • To please an English teacher who confuses big words with deep thinking. In fact, big words obfuscate logic (clutter your meaning) and enshroud cogitation (hide poor thinking).

What can you do to rid your writing of clutter?

  • Look for empty words. If you look, you will find.  Many empty nouns end in “tion,” “ment” and “city.”  Turn them into verbs and then search for simpler synonyms.
  • Tell yourself that big words aren’t better.  They are just bigger.
  • Look up synonyms for long words. Many English words with the most punch are ancient Anglo-Saxon words of one or two syllables.
  • Read the poetry of Robert Frost. Frost rarely used even two-syllable words, and that is no fluke.  He said good writing should be understood on a literal level the first time it is read.

Write short.

Draw pictures to remember what you read

Drawing pictures is almost twice as powerful a memory tool as is reading or writing, according to the George Lucas Educational Foundation called Edutopia*.

Cartoon of a man with footprints up his body and the words, Unassertive: wimpy

Mutilate

When you draw, your kinesthetic , visual and linguistic brain centers all work.  Your brain processes the information you draw in ways which “interact,” forming strong bonds and deeper memory.

How to take advantage of drawing to improve memory:

One way is to draw when you take notes and write rough drafts. You can do this no matter how good or how poor an artist you are.  In a science class, for example, to show the water cycle, draw the sun with water below and arrows from the water heading up toward the sun.  Write “evaporation” next to that image.  Next to it draw clouds in the sky with rain drops falling out of them.  Next to it write “condensation.

Cartoon of a man with footprints up his body and the words, Unassertive: wimpy

Unassertive

Another way is to use mind webs (sometimes called spider webs or concept maps) to show how concepts are connected.  For example, draw and label the topic in the center, and then draw spokes out from there.  At the end of each spoke, draw another picture and label it with simple annotations.

Use interactive notebooks, that is spiral or composition notebooks in which you take notes with pictures which your draw yourself or which you cut out and paste. You can draw or paste timelines. You can paste vocabulary cards which you can flip to see definitions or pictures of definitions.  You can draw or paste political cartoons on the subject you are studying.

Cartoon of a waterskiier withe the caption, Aquatic: relating to water

Aquatic

Use visuals to show data—timelines, sequence ovals with arrows, graphs, and maps.

*For more information and a cleverly illustrated version of the above ideas, go online to Edutopia News.

Maybe the textbook writer is to blame, not the student

Not all textbook writers are good writers.  They might know their subject, but they might not know how to write.

I learned this as a college freshman when I was assigned to read a nonfiction book by an expert in his field.  I read the first page and realized I didn’t have any idea what I had just read.  So I reread it.  Nothing.  I read the page a third time and a fourth.  And then I stopped.

I was a good student.  The author was an expert.  What was going on?

I counted the words in the sentences.  Every single sentence had more than 50 words!

I analyzed the sentences.  They were all complex sentences with three or four or even five dependent clauses.  That meant that each sentence had at least four ideas of varying importance which I was required to juggle before I reached the period.

And every sentence had great big words—SAT kind of words.

Ph. D. or no Ph. D., that expert couldn’t write.

And so I began the time-consuming task of translating academic English into plain English which I could understand.  Clause by clause, sentence by sentence, and paragraph by paragraph, I rewrote the first chapter of my text.  What a pain.

From this experience, I came to believe that coherence—the ability of ideas to be understood—is the most important criteria to judge writing by.  If ideas are not logical, if they cannot be understood, then they are useless.

If you are a good student and you are reading an impossible text, analyze it for its readability.  Chances are it’s the book and not you.

What are the advantages of active verbs? of passive verbs?

Some of the advantages of active verbs are

  • Clarity—Active verbs make your writing easily understood the first time someone reads it.  The subject of the sentence usually comes before the verb.  The subject performs the verb, the usual way of expressing through sentences in English.
  • Brevity—The most concise way to write uses active verbs.  Compare:  Wilma ate the sandwich.  [active verb—four words]  The sandwich was eaten by Wilma.  [passive verb—six words]  If we omit “by Wilma” in the second version, we have four words, the same as the first version.  But those four words give less information.
  • Action—Your writing zips along when you use active verbs.  Active verbs  “slip.”  They make scenes go faster and conversations race.  That’s why sports writers write in active verbs.  Orders use active verbs.

Then, why do we have passive verbs?

  • To mask the performer of an action—Sometimes we don’t want to say who did the action of the verb because it might be more diplomatic not to identify the actor. “The last chocolate chip cookie has been eaten.”  Or we might not know who did the action. For example, you could say, “The market was targeted and bombed.”
  • To confuse. Sometimes a writer deliberately wants to keep the reader confused or unsure.  Detective novelists use this technique.  For example, you could say, “In darkness the body was buried in the woods.  It was covered with six inches of leaves, after which all footprints were swept until they were not noticeable.”
  • To slow down the action.  For example, you might say, “The history exam was returned to Jane.  It was folded, the grade hidden within where it could not be seen by classmates.”
  • To focus on the action of thinking.  Henry James, a 19th century American novelist, wrote in the passive voice and often used the verb “to be.” Many readers today find his writing ponderous because of its long sentences and lack of action. Actually there is action, but it is in characters’ heads.  This kind of writing seems quaint and tedious to 21st century readers who want James to get to the point.  But maybe the people he wrote for had leisure to appreciate a slower pace in fiction.

Never start a direct quote with “He said”

When you are interviewing someone, and you want to quote that person directly, how should you identify who is talking?  Compare these examples:

  • Mrs. Smith said that I might want to avoid the back yard because  the dog poops there.
  • Mrs. Smith said, “You might want to avoid the backyard.  That’s where the dog poops.”
  • “You might want to avoid the back yard. That’s where the dog poops,” said Mrs. Smith.
  • “You might want to avoid the backyard,” Mrs. Smith said. “That’s where the dog poops.”

Each of the examples offers the same information, yet one excels.  Let’s examine them individually to find out why.

  • Because what is said is more important than who says it, the first and second examples are not as good as the third and fourth examples. But the first example has another problem:  it uses an indirect quotation when a direct quotation is livelier.  The reader would prefer to hear the exact words of the person being interviewed, providing that person is not hemming and hawing.
  • The second example improves on the first example because it replaces the indirect quotation with a direct quotation.  But it still starts with the least interesting information, who is speaking.
  • The third example is better than the first two because it uses direct quotes to start.  However, the reader needs to wait until the completion of the quote before knowing who is speaking.  Since there are two sentences, it makes sense to identify the speaker at the end of the first sentence.
  • The fourth example identifies the speaker after the first part of the direct quote, the correct location to do so. And it directly quotes the speaker.  This example wins.

So, to recap, use direct quotes rather than indirect quotes when the quotation is lively and dramatic, or when it shows off the speaker’s personality or diction.  Start with the direct quote, but pause either at the end of the first sentence or at a natural spot in the first sentence to identify the speaker.

 

Forbidding am, is, are, was, were, be, been, being

1  What if you could not use any forms of the verb “to be”?  No am, is, are, was, were, be, been or being.  No progressive verb tenses.  Fewer passive verbs. No “that’s” or “it’s.”  Could you do it?

2  That’s what two of my high school students were asked to do on a research paper due today.  Any form of the verb “to be” was outlawed by their teacher, even if that verb was part of a direct quote.

3  With no choice, they wrote and rewrote sentences.  They pared down direct quotes or paraphrased them.  They eliminated passive voice.  And then they asked me to scour their writing to be sure no forms of “to be” still lurked.

4  And they did it!

5  I was telling this to another student, an eighth grader, whose writing we had just revised, and for the heck of it, we re-revised, eliminating the verb “to be” in all its forms.  A funny thing happened.

6  The student’s writing became more concise.  The student’s writing contained more active verbs and fewer linking verbs.  “It’s better,” the student said.  “Oops,” he added, realizing he had said “it’s.”

Let try the strategy on this blog now.

In paragraph 1, I cannot eliminate the forms of the verb “to be” or you might not know what I am talking about.

Paragraph 2 begins with “That’s,” meaning “that is,” and later in the sentence, contains the passive verb “were asked.”  I can rewrite that sentence to say “Two of my high school students needed to do. . .” dropping the “were asked” part.  In the next sentence “was outlawed” and “was” need to be eliminated.  Instead I can write, “Students could use no form of the verb “to be” even if the verb occurred within a direct quote.”

Paragraph 3’s last sentence contains the infinitive “to be.”  I could rewrite that sentence like this:  “And then they asked me to scour their writing until. . .”

Paragraph 4 passes okay.

Paragraph 5 begins with “I was telling.”  I could easily change that to “I told.”

Paragraph 6 passes okay.

When I first heard about the “confining” verb choices for my students’ assignment, I said to myself, “Ridiculous.”  But now I am an ardent fan of this way of writing.  The results convinced me.  Fewer words.  Tighter sentences.  Fewer linking verbs.  More specific verbs.  More active voice.

Win-win.

4 reasons to use direct quotes

Should you use direct quotes in writing both fiction and nonfiction in which there are people?  Definitely!

Below are examples from Akin by Emma Donoghue.  Akin is a novel about a 79-year-old former professor spending time with an 11-year-old street kid.  Part of the delight of the book is its dialog, especially the contrast between the two people’s world views reflected in their way of speaking.

So, why to use direct quotes? 

First, direct quotes show inflections, that is, how a speaker changes a word’s emphasis depending on verb tense, number, prefixes and suffixes and a use of modifiers.  Here, for example, the old man says,

“You must know singers with ludicrous stage names?  Like, ah 50 Cents.”

“50 Cent,” Michael said, pained.  “And it’s Ludacris.”

Here’s another example, with the old man asking the boy,

“Do you skateboard?”

“Skate.”

“Oh, you prefer skating.  Ice or roller?”

“It’s called skating, dude.”

Second, direct quotes show regionalisms, ages, education, socioeconomic and other differences.  For example, the boy explains that his skateboard was stolen.

“They skated right past, dissing me.  Grandma said”—Michael quoted—“’This is a test from the Lord, are you going to hold on to your wrath?  Are you going to pass the test?’”

Here is another.  The boy asks,

“Are you a atheist?”

Noah corrected him:  “An atheist.”

“That’s what I said.”

“It’s an, rather than a, when it’s followed by a vowel:  an atheist.”

“Like you’re an asshole.”

Third, direct quotes show how a person puts a sentence together—using standard English or some other way.  The older man, Noah, often uses long and complex sentences, yet adjusts his way of speaking so the boy will better understand him.  The boy, on the other hand, uses really short sentences or phrases without concern for grammar.  For example, the boy tells of his Uncle Cody:

“Cody used to smoke till I got him Juuling.”

“What-ing?”

“Vapes, you know?  E-cigs?”

In another example, Michael sees a bunch of balloons tied to the front railing of a house.  He asks,”

“Did somebody get offed here?”

Fourth, direct quotes reveal personality.  From the few quotes I’ve just used, you can see that Noah, is an academic from an educated middle class background and out-of-touch with children, yet willing, even eager, to know the boy. Michael is more tentative about knowing Noah, preferring the safety of his phone.  He uses the language of the street as an intentional emotional barrier between himself and Noah.

I recommend you read Akin.  I suspect you too will delight in the dialog, just part of the treat of this well written novel.