Sometimes students balk at writing more details when they have finished their first drafts. They think they have already included plenty of details when more details would enhance the writing.
To encourage the student to write more details, on a separate piece of paper I rewrite one of the student’s sentences needing more details and suggest we go back and forth–first me, then the student–adding details. Here are some examples.
The student originally writes, “We walked back to the pool.” I add, “In our flipflops and bathing suits,” to the beginning of that sentence. “Well, of course we wore our bathing suits,” says my student, so he crosses out “and our bathing suits.” But he adds, “In our flipflops we walked to the outside pool entrance.”
Another sentence the student originally writes is, “My cousin, Johnny, picked up a glass and cut his fingers.” This time the student starts the additions by adding “soda” to “glass.” I ask which fingers. He crosses out “fingers” and adds “thumb and index finger.” But then without my asking him to, he continues. “My cousin, Johnny, picked up a soda glass and cut his thumb and index fingers. You could see the fat and blood. My uncle drove him in a taxi to the hospital emergency room. My uncle sent a picture to my aunt, showing Johnny doing a pose in his bandage.” What a difference!
Another sentence my student writes is, “We walked to the gift shop.” Before I could add details, he added “to get rocky road ice cream because it was 100 degrees F.”
Why did this exercise work? By pulling the sentences out of the student’s own work and isolating them, it was easy for the student to see the plainness of the sentences. By my offering to write some of the additional phrases, the work seemed more like a game, and he was willing to play along.
Were we working on a computer, we could have swiped the new sentences and replaced the plainer ones, making the work even easier.
Good writers make a good first impression. They rewrite their introductions and first pages many times because they know if those words don’t grab a reader, the reader will put down that piece of writing and move on. But you don’t have to be a professional writer to hook a reader in the first sentence or two. Read this sentence by a fifth grader:
Good writers make their endings strong, too. Good writers know how to make a reader smile or nod with satisfaction at the end of a piece of writing.
Good writers organize their articles and stories so that readers can follow along without getting lost or confused. Good writers use topic sentences that tell the reader what to expect. They use transition words like “first,” “next,” and “finally.” Or they use chronological order, including time words such as “in the morning,” and “later that same day.” Notice how this first grader began a fairy tale using transitions.
Good writers don’t just tell something, they show it. In informational essays, good writers give examples to show what they mean. In narratives, good writers show a character acting, such as his hand wiping away a tear, or his foot tapping, so that the reader can judge for herself if a character is sad or excited. Here is how a kindergartener showed a character.
Good writers use sentences that are varied and interesting. They vary the verbs in sentences, begin sentences with different words and different parts of speech and write some long sentences and some short sentences. Notice how this sixth grader starts an essay with a 20-word sentence followed by a six-word sentence. He starts with a prepositional phrase but the next sentence begins with an adverb.
Good writers write for the ear, not the eye. Good writers read their writing aloud and listen for ideas that are not clear. If characters are speaking, good writers make characters dialog sound different from one another. Since most people don’t talk in complete sentences, good writers have their characters speak naturally, even if that breaks rules of grammar. Notice how a second grader uses dialog to explain what a book is about.
Good writers elaborate; they try to share a lot of information and detail. Good writers provide lots of detail—numbers, dates, seasons, days of the week, proper nouns, dialog, sensory information, and examples. Good writers put themselves in the shoes of the reader and provide the information that a reader needs even if the writer already understands it. See how that same second grader uses detail.
Good writers get their facts right, even when they are writing fiction. In passages about science or social studies, good writers use the proper vocabulary. They check their facts online or by talking to experts. They go over their writing to be sure names are consistent and numbers are accurate. Read how a first grader uses scientific facts which she researched.
Good writers should know when to quit. Good writing is concise writing. The writer needs to trust that the reader will understand the first time if the writing is clear enough, so repetition isn’t necessary. And that’s why I am going to stop now. –Mrs. K
English Writing Teacher 