Whether you are writing a short story or a long novel, you need to introduce characters into your narrative. One mistake many of my students make is to rely on “is” and “are” to describe characters. “Her hair is blonde and her eyes are blue.” “He was about five feet, three inches tall, and his hair was white.”
Scott Fitzgerald had the same need to describe characters as he introduced them in The Great Gatsby. Below are Fitzgerald’s words introducing some of his most important characters. Notice how few times he uses the verb “to be” and how much he describes personalities rather than physical appearances.
Daisy “made an attempt to rise—she leaned slightly forward with a conscientious expression—then she laughed, an absurd, charming little laugh, and I laughed too.” Do we know what Daisy looks like? No. The first thing we know is that she laughs and makes others happy. Maybe that’s why Gatsby has loved her all these years? Immediately we like her.
“Tom Buchanan in riding clothes was standing with his legs apart on the front porch. . . .he was a sturdy, straw haired man of thirty with a rather hard mouth and a supercilious manner. Two shining, arrogant eyes had established dominance over his face.” We know from his posture that Tom is a man’s man–nothing feminine about him–and from his mouth that he has a tough, unforgiving nature, and from his manner that he is arrogant. Right away we fear Tom, and rightly so. Nothing is lighthearted about him.
Myrtle Wilson “a thickish figure of a woman blocked out the light from the office door. . . .but she carried her surplus flesh sensuously.” Myrtle’s stout figure surprises us since by the time she is introduced we know she is Tom’s mistress. That last word, “sensuously,” tells us all we need to know about Tom’s and Myrtle’s relationship. From this initial description we pity Myrtle for attaching herself to a fearsome man like Tom.
“’I’m Gatsby,’ he said suddenly. . . .’I thought you knew, old sport. I’m afraid I’m not a very good host.’ He smiled understandingly—much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it.” Gatsby introduces himself to the narrator, Nick, with an apology, but he immediately smiles—and what a smile! No mention of Gatsby’s age or physique or party clothes. Rather, we appreciate Gatsby’s charm as shown by his words and smile. We like Gatsby.
To introduce these characters, Fitzgerald focuses on a characteristic of personality which is vital to our relating to that character. Laughter, a hard edge, sexiness, and a smile. Two of the four characters have no physical description at all.
Can you duplicate Fitzgerald’s technique? Read over this paragraph about a dog, and then rewrite it. Describe the dog’s appearance but also give the dog an attitude.
The original:
The door opens and out comes a dog. It’s a fat black pug on short legs. He has bulging black eyes, a pressed-in face, and a wrinkled neck.
Here is one rewrite:
The crate door opens and out rushes a chubby black pug on puny legs. His bulging black eyes dart from left to right above his snorting mouth. He marches as if on a mission—no sauntering for him—bee-lining to his water bowl where he lowers his heavy head on its velvety, wrinkled neck.
And here’s another:
The car door slides to reveal a black pug sniffing the air and studying the distance to the ground. He waits on truncated legs too short to jump. His master encircles the pug’s velvety neck with one hand, lifts his weighty belly with the other, and lowers him to the grass. The pug sniffs, scuffs in a circle three times, and pees. He paws at the grass to cover his business and struts. His master snaps on his leash and walks ahead, calling the pug to follow. But the mighty pug recognizes the vet’s doorway, digs in his hind legs, and balks. No staying in a kennel for me, mister.
English Writing Teacher 