Let students learn from other students’ writing

Posted on December 8, 2024 | Leave a comment

Students love to read what other students have written, especially if everyone is writing about the same thing and if everyone is the same age.  Students are immediately engaged, checking to see how their peers handle the same writing assignment as themselves.

For example, I have asked elementary students to read the textless picture book Flora and the Penguin by Molly Idle.  Then I have asked them to analyze the table below.  It contains student-written versions of parts of the Flora story.

Linda Marion Nancy
One day there was a girl On a cold winter day a girl Once upon a time Flora
There was a penguin who wanted to play with her. When a penguin poked its beak out of the water A penguin named Steve put his body in the water.
They started to dance while ice skating.  They did more and more ice skating until they were tired. They skated this way and that way. They skated and danced together.  They jumped and twirled.  They slid across the ice.
When the penguin saw a fish, he jumped in the water. The penguin smelled a school of fish. Steve poked his head in the water.  Flora said, “What are you doing?”  Steve disappeared.
When he came out he had a fish in his mouth.  Then the penguin gave it to her as a present. The penguin came back with a fish in her mouth.  Flora was outraged.  The penguin gave the fish to Flora. Steve got a fish.  He gave it to Flora as a present.  Flora thought the fish was disgusting.
She threw it back in the water. She threw it back in the water. So, she threw it back in the water.
Before she left, she put her [shoe]lace in the water and tried to get a fish.  So, she kept on pulling until she got a fish. Flora felt sorry for the penguin, so she took off one of the lacings on her skates.  She dipped it in the water so she could get a fish for the penguin.  The two of them pulled as hard as they could and out came a fish. She took her [shoe]lace out.  She put it in the water just like a fishing net.  A fish approached.  They both tugged and tugged and tugged and tugged on the lace.  They caught the fish.
The fish got eaten by the penguin. They started skating and they were happy. They started skating all over again.

Usually when  students analyze the writing of other students, they recognize when it is good.  They note that “This version has dialog” or “This version tells that it’s morning.”  Analyzing the writing in the table above, one second grader said he like the “tugged and tugged and tugged and tugged” part because it shows how hard it was to catch a fish.  Another said she liked “They skated and danced together.  They jumped and twirled.  They slid across the ice.” because it showed different kinds of play.

Students are surprised to see that some second graders write better than some fifth graders.  We discuss what the second graders do that the fifth graders don’t.  “More details.”  “Different ways to start sentences.”  “More interesting verbs.”

Help your students become better writers by exposing them to the writing of other students.  Encourage them to analyze why some writing is better than others.  Take a simple scene such as a girl and a penguin sliding across ice and ask students to describe it.  Then share responses and discuss what is good about them.

As they say, good writing is not rocket science.  Mostly it’s revising.

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Posted in action verbs, adding details, critical thinking, details in writing, English Writing Instruction, how to motivate child writers, revising first drafts, student writers as teachers, teaching writing

How to avoid overusing the verb “to be”

Posted on December 3, 2024 | Leave a comment

Eliminating the verb “to be” (is, are, was, were) from writing can improve your writing noticeably.  Yet eliminating “to be” verbs poses two problems.  First, easy-to-think of synonyms (seems, become) do not improve upon the weakness of “to be” verbs.  Second, students don’t want to take the time to think through strong alternatives.

Consider ways to help readers remember characters’ names.

Yet, strong alternatives exist.  Once students familiarize themselves with these alternatives, they will use them.

Alternative one:  Use an appositive.  Instead of writing, “Mario is my best friend.  He is on my soccer team,” write “Mario, my best friend, plays soccer on my team.”

Alternative two:  Keep the meaning but change the words and the sentence structure.  Instead of writing, “My sister was so disappointed when she didn’t get into Duke,” write “My sister moped around the house for days after she didn’t receive an acceptance from Duke.”

Alternative three:  Stick the idea in another sentence, and sometimes change the word order.  Instead of writing, “Olivia was overjoyed.  She was selected for the part of Annie in her school play,” write, “When Olivia learned she secured the role of Annie in her school play, she shrieked and danced through the house.”

To eliminate “to be” verbs as main verbs, students need to know the difference between main verbs and helping verbs.  Main verbs can usually be changed in the three ways mentioned above, but many helping verbs cannot be changed.  When writing the progressive verb tenses, forms of the verb “to be” need to be used as helping verbs, such as in “I am writing Grandma an email” or “The elephant had been trumpeting for her lost calf.”

When I tutor students, I ask them to write while I observe.  As questions arise, we discuss them.  Many times I see a sentence with the verb “to be” appear on a google doc only to be erased a moment later by my student and rewritten a different way, a better way—all without my saying a word.

My hope is that students apply the same thinking when I am not present.  One time a student of mine took an important writing exam.  I asked him if he did various things, and he replied, “Miss Kathy, I could hear your voice in my head.”  What a compliment!

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Posted in "to be", verb choice

Should you judge a book by its opening sentence?

Posted on November 25, 2024 | Leave a comment

Don’t judge a book by its cover, we’ve often heard.  But how about judging by its opening sentence? 

I’ve just looked at the opening sentences of dozens of classic children’s books from 1843 (The Ugly Duckling) to 1996 (the first Harry Potter book).  Some interesting facts emerge:

The briefest opening lines are six words, used in A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens (“Marley was dead, to begin with.”) and in Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie (“All children, except one, grow up.”)  Despite their brevity, I find both of these opening lines effective in piquing my curiosity.  Why was Marley dead, and so what?  What child didn’t grow up, and why?

The longest lines come from Treasure Island, 1883 (90 words).  Of the three other longest line opening sentences, two come from the 19th century—Alice in Wonderland, 57 words, and The Ugly Duckling, 56 words.  The other comes from J.D. Salinger’s 1951 classic The Catcher in the Rye, 63 words.  Of these four, only one’s opening sentence makes me curious, and that is because Salinger’s narrator’s attitude is so in-your-face that I want to find out why.

My take away?  Long isn’t necessarily better.

Other opening lines which captivated me include:

  • “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. (Little Women)  Why won’t there be presents?  Who is Jo?  Who is she griping to?
  • Once upon a time, a little girl named Laura traveled in a covered wagon across the giant prairie. (Little House on the Prairie) Why was a child traveling across a prairie in a covered wagon?  Who did she travel with?  When?  This sound like an adventure.
  • “Where’s Papa going with that axe?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.” (Charlotte’s Web) Yes, where is the father going?  Why is he carrying an axe?  Is the family in danger?
  • When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. (To Kill a Mockingbird)  Why?  What happened?  A fight?  Sports?  Did he recover?
  • Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone)  This opening sentence is humorous.  Why were the couple proud to be normal?  “Thank you very much” sounds like someone is trying to say the Dursleys are not normal.  Why is the couple so defensive?

What surprises me after reading the opening sentences of dozens of classics of children’s lit is how few opening sentences grab me.  If you have studied writing, you know how important first lines are to attract readers.  Yet so many classics seem to make no effort to entice readers.

Does “We moved on the Tuesday before Labor Day” make you want to keep reading?  It is the first line of the classic, Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret.  The book is great, but the opening?  Eh.

Or how about “Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmond, and Lucy.”  This is the opening sentence of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. My response?  So what?

My take away:  Since some dull openings begin great books, keep reading not only a few more lines, but a few more pages.  Some books percolate slowly.

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Posted in opening sentences of books

Use wordless picture books to teach reading and writing

Posted on November 18, 2024 | Leave a comment

Wordless picture books are just what they seem to be—beautifully illustrated picture books without any words.  Most tell stories with everything you’d expect from a story—a setting, characters, a plot, a crisis, and a resolution.  Wordless picture books are a great way to teach reading and writing.

How can you use them to teach?

For a nonverbal toddler, show the pictures and ask the child to show what is happening by acting out the story. Let the child linger over the pictures to gain as much meaning as possible.

For a verbal preschooler who cannot write, show the pictures one at a time, and ask the child to tell you what is happening. To round out the child’s observations, ask questions about emotions shown, relationships of people and animals, and predictions of what will happen next.  Ask if the story is scary or silly or serious.

For a child who can write a little, show the pictures and ask the child to write one sentence about each page. Focus on the content of the sentence.  Encourage the child to figure out the main idea of a page and write about that.  But remind about capital letters and punctuation.

For older elementary grade children, look at the pictures first. Discuss what happens at the beginning, middle and end.  Ask about the setting (time and place), what problem needs to be solved, who is the main character/s, who or what opposes that character, and how the character overcomes the problem.  Now ask the students to write an outline—not sentences, but words or phrases to remind the students what they want to include in the story.  You might share  a check list of elements to include.  Now have them write the story.

For middle school students, show the story to them once for them to get the gist of it. Then ask the students to write (one word/phrase to a line) the following situations:  exposition, inciting action, rising action, crisis, falling action, resolution.  Review these words if students seem forgetful.  Now show the pages of the book again, slowly, and ask the students to identify what happens in the book for each situation.  When done, discuss the student choices and help students match the scenes in the book with the six situations.  Now ask the students to write the story.

Where can you find wordless picture books?  Search online or, if you have a children’s librarian at your school or public library, ask the librarian.  Look for books with enticing illustrations that tell a story with a beginning, middle and end.  Two of my favorites are The Fisherman and the Whale  by Jessica Lanan and The Farmer and the Clown by Marla Frazee.

You can also use wordless films.  A favorite of mine is La Luna by Pixtar.

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Posted in wordless picture books, writing tips

Here’s another dialog problem with three possible solutions. Which is best?

Posted on November 12, 2024 | Leave a comment

Check out these three examples of dialog to find the best one.

Example f

“What are you doing?” Mom asked.

“Playing marbles,” Joan said.

“And whose marbles are those?”

“Mine.”

“Are you sure?  They look like Michael’s—all cat’s eyes.”

“Well, they’re not.  They’re mine.”

 

Example g

“What are you doing?” Mom asked.

“Playing marbles,” Joan said.

“And whose marbles are those?” Mom asked.

“Mine,” Joan said.

“Are you sure?  They look like Michael’s—all cat’s eyes,” Mom said.

“Well, they’re not.  They’re mine,” Joan said.

 

Example h:

“What are you doing?” Mom asked.

“Playing marbles,” Joan mumbled.

“And whose marbles are those?” Mom demanded.

“Mine,” Joan uttered.

“Are you sure?  They look like Michael’s—all cat’s eyes,” Mom stated.

“Well, they’re not.  They’re mine,” Joan remarked.

 

In examples g and h, each bit of dialog is attached to the name of the speaker.  In example f, on the other hand, only the first two bits are attached to a name.  Yet, example f is just as clear as the other two examples.  If there are only two speakers, and from the dialog it’s clear who is speaking, it is not necessary to identify the speaker each time something is said.  So example f is the best of the three.

Example g is the second best because the speakers’ names are followed by “said,” a word which is almost invisible.  Rarely is there a reason to highlight how words are spoken.  “Said” is usually the best word to use.

Example h uses a different word to describe how each statement in the dialog is said:  asked, mumbled, demanded, uttered, stated, remarked.  By doing this, the writer is calling attention away from what is said—which is most important—to how it is said or more likely to how it isn’t said.  Asked, mumbled, demanded, uttered, stated and remarked seem to be used more for the sake of vocabulary variety than for the sake of informing the reader about the way the dialog is spoken.

Pick up a classic book and find a section of dialog.  Read it less for what the information is and more for the way the author puts it together—what bits of dialog are identified with a speaker’s name and what ones are not, and what vocabulary is used to identify how the words are spoken.  I think you’ll find that most dialog is not attributed when it is within a several-sentence section of dialog, and when it is attributed, the verb “said” is most often used.

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Posted in dialog in writing, English Writing Instruction